I’m about to tell you an aberration. I – yes, the same cake-eating, fried-chicken loving, foodie gal you know and love/like/tolerate – am in the middle of some diet/workout
punishment madness called the 21 Day Fix. It’s a regimen that’s supposed to whip your ass into tip-top shape in 3 weeks flat. Like a reset. I love resets.
But let’s be real; I have never worked out regularly. And I’ve never done a diet. Ever. Never ever ever. I hate the idea of dieting. I feel like if you can’t figure out how to just enjoy life in moderation, than you deserve to be shlepping around that extra 5/10/50 pounds. But the reality is, that’s not reality. Two kids in to my mid-thirties-life in the south where bacon is a food group, and that laissez faire attitude just isn’t going to cut it anymore. I needed a kick in the ass.
So here I am, on day 16 of 21. I have worked out every goddamn day for the last 16 days. (OK, fine, I didn’t work out one day, because I literally couldn’t feel my legs.) I have eaten nary a single french fry. Not one lick of ice cream. Not one cocktail. (OK, fine, I had half a glass of wine last week with Rosh Hashanah dinner, but I gave up a “yellow container” of grains to do so. Yes, I gave up a main component of my limited food allocation for the day for a glass of wine. Don’t judge.)
I’ve been drinking my weight in water. Or at least it feels that way every 1/2 hour when I have to pee.
And guess what? My body is no longer revolting. I mean, it’s not thrilled at times, like when it’s seen its 11th salad in a row. But I’m finally settling into a pattern and I’m not feeling like I have brittle bone syndrome anymore. I can bend down and pick something up off the ground without feeling like I’m going to fall on my ass, and get stuck there, forever like the old lady in that Life Alert commercial.
I have more energy, too. I feel stronger. The workouts aren’t feeling as brutal. It’s kind of become, dare I say… a lifestyle? (WHO AM I AND WHERE IS THE SARAH WHO LOVES PASTA AND MARTINIS AND CHEESE AND BURRITOS AND DONUTS AND HERSHEY KISSES. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HER, WE WILL CUT A BITCH.)
Here’s what a typical day of food looks like:
Breakfast: Half a whole wheat english muffin with a tsp of peanut butter and half a banana
AM snack: 1 hard boiled egg
Lunch: Salad w a protein and a clean salad dressing
PM snack: 12 almonds (I know, I scoffed at this too, but honestly, 12 almonds seems to be enough to satisfy. Who knew you didn’t need to eat half the jar in one sitting?!)
Dinner: Grilled chicken, roasted brussel sprouts, 1/2 cup whole wheat couscous
Eve snack: Protein shake w/ fruit
And water, water, water, and more water.
Shake shake shake… shake your shake booty.
The main non-starters in this diet are sugar and white carbs.It’s protein heavy, but not so limiting that you really feel like you’re being sadistic about it. I have adopted a love for zucchini noodles. I can zoodle the shit out of any meal, and my family loves it, too. I’m like Zoodle Poppins. Martha Zoodle. #winning.
And the workouts, while brutal, are just half an hour each, every day for three weeks. Some of them are harder than others. (Pilates and YOGA are “recovery day workouts.” Should I be offended that my years of Yoga-only working out is considered a passive “recovery” workout?) The cardio fix workouts leave me on my ass, praying for EMS. And then there are some that fall squarely in between.
So here I am, about 16 days into the 21 days. Let’s see where I end up next week, when I’m officially through the challenge. And let’s get one thing clear: I will not be showing you half naked before and after pics of myself when this thing is over. I have SOME dignity here. (And shame. I have shame. Let’s be real.) Be on the lookout for photos of me with unhealthy quantities of margs and cupcakes, though.
Stronger. Better. Faster. And decidedly more sore.