Moment of Truth: Snow in the South

It’s been five years since I started complaining to anyone who’d listen about the indescribably absurd manner in which the South handles — or doesn’t — even the most meager trace of snow. If you’re unfamiliar with this ritual, it begins with a weather report 5–7 days out, forecasting milder than usual temperatures, which then moves into a chance of precipitation, and before you know it, a little snowflake icon appears under Wednesday’s banner and that’s officially when shit. Hits. The. Fan.

Facebook Mom Groups across the Triangle go into a spiral, with a sea of posts ranging from “DOES ANYONE HAVE A PLASTIC SAUCER SLED TO SELL ME?! MY KIDS WILL KILL ME IF THEY KNOW I FORGOT TO ORDER THESE AFTER LAST WINTER… FML… WILL PAY TOP $$” to “EVERYONE, IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE NEWS, SNOW IS COMING. DON’T BE AN ASSHOLE PARENT. STAY INSIDE. IT’S NOT WORTH YOUR SAFETY — OR THAT OF OTHERS — TO BE OUT DRIVING IN THESE TREACHEROUS CONDITIONS!” to “OH BOY, HERE WE GO AGAIN, OVER/UNDER ON WHEN WE FIRST GET THE “BREAD AND MILK” VIDEO POSTED TO OUR PAGE.”

(For those unfamiliar with the Bread and Milk video…)

And truthfully, I’ve played into the absurdity of it all, making fun of Southerners for their inability to drive in a mere dusting of snow, or complaining at how ridiculous it is that school is preemptively cancelled two days before a single flake even falls. Every time that Wake County School District text message comes through, with the “All schools will be closed tomorrow” I throw my hands up in the air with an “Are you f-ing kidding me?” and then I’m annoyed for like five minutes as I think about how I’ll entertain two little dragons for the next 24+ hours.

But guys — here’s where I’m about to drop some truth.

It’s kind of awesome.

We’re on our second snow day of the season, and tomorrow has already been deemed a snow day as well given we’re now up to 6 inches and that’s basically considered a “massive state of emergency” situation up in here. Friday is anyone’s guess but I’ll go ahead and say that yeah, it’s probably 90/10 it’ll be a snow day too. Which means that while yes, the kids will likely get on my last damn nerve, and stir craziness is really a thing, I am literally living in pajamas, I’m not even sure I brushed my teeth today or not, I’ve got a fire in the fireplace, my laptop has full power as I work from the comfort of my sofa, with a full cup of hot tea (with whisky in it, while we’re being so honest.) I’m living my best life.

So between you and me, this is a-OK. I mean, I’ll always pretend it’s ridiculous, because I’m no sellout. But the kids actually used the damn sleds I bought in a panic on Amazon last winter, which makes me happy. This weekend it’s going to be like 60 degrees here, which means unlike the North — where they’re pelted with snow and cold temps for months on end, basically begging the sun gods by March to show some mercy and cut them a break— here, we get the joy of a winter wonderland followed immediately by mild, practically-spring-like weather to bask in… before our next little cold front hits and we all get another day off to, you know, live our best lives.

Also, you see how I’m now referring to NYers as them, and not us?! This is a major development in my evolution. The times they are a’changin’ up in here.

Gotta run, I’ve got some Facebook Mom Groups to infiltrate with fun snowpocalypse memes.