My 2017 Holiday Gift Guide
Oh, the holidays are upon us? I had no idea. I was too distracted by the shiny objects of disaster reflecting in our faces every damn day to notice.
Hanukkah is happenin’. Christmas will be here in a blink. Here are my picks for the perfect gifts for everyone on your list this year. TRIGGER WARNING: they are all political (except one). Not sorry.
For your Nana who reminds you that she lived through the Great Depression, the Nixon administration, AND had a boss who called her “Toots.”
A darling throw pillow for her loveseat — one that tells Nana you’re on the case and are going to keep sending Planned Parenthood checks in Mike Pence’s name until your uterus is free and clear from a Handmaid’s Tale-style dystopian future. $20 on RedBubble.com
Speaking of The Handmaid’s Tale.. For your bestie who couldn’t pry her eyes away from Offred’s plight.
“Don’t let the bastards grind you down.” This is the message Offred found etched into the wall of her closet, and for good reason: Shit is about to get real for her, and for the rest of us IRL, let’s be honest. Show your bestie you care with this artful reminder to keep her head up and fight the good fight. Because seriously, if we have to start walking around in those starched caps saying “under his eye” under our breath… NOPE. $4.05 for a digital download you can print and frame yourself.
For your niece who’s in law school and just got “persist” tattooed on her wrist.
Nothing says I’m a badass bitch quite like a Ruth Bader Ginsburg sweatshirt. Especially when you’re following in RGB’s footsteps with a law degree and aspirations for the bench — I mean, someone has to show these asshats what the Daubert standard is. Assorted colors to choose from, $25.
For your uneducated uncle who STILL thinks Trump is gonna make anything great again.
Dumps for Trump — the ultimate dog walking accessory in the age of insanity. That is, if you’re still the kind of citizen who picks up after your pooch… we all know things have gone to such shit that it almost wouldn’t matter if you didn’t pick up your dog’s. Dispenser and 60-bag combo, $15.95
For your woke son.
Send him out into the world wearing his feminism on his sleeve… literally. Someday his wife (or husband) will thank you. $19.95
For your spouse, who gets into daily political rants and arguments on Twitter.
Give him a warm hug to wrap his frustrations — and hope — up in, in the form of a cozy hoodie. Stuff the pockets in advance with tissues, because crying is now a daily occurrance. Trump Impeachment hoodie, $47.25
For your co-worker who, in the past year, has unleashed her inner feminist and joined 13 activist groups.
This mug shows everyone in that 9am meeting who not to fuck with — and it’s your coworker. She is damn good at her job and damn sure not going to let another promotion pass her by because someone named Tucker keeps interrupting her. $12.99
For your Mother-in-Law who can’t wrap her head around any of this.
Listen, none of us can wrap our heads around any of it. I get it. And at the very least, we’ve got another year of this madness until we can take back the House and Senate (because goddamnit we’re going to do that, ok, don’t fucking pop my rainbow balloon.) So help her breathe a little this winter with some behind-the-scenes and memories from brighter times. What Happened by Hillary Rodham Clinton, $13.49 and Pete Souza’s book, Obama: An Intimate Portrait, $31.45
And one last gift idea, for the Game of Thrones fangirl in your life.
The baddest t-shirt in all the land. Seriously, this one goes out to all my #TeamOlenna readers… take your GoT clout up a Heatherette-inspired notch and rock this tee to Barre class. $22 on Etsy
