Imagine a Trump World
I know we all want to believe it’s not actually a possibility. I mean, when this whole circus started, the idea of Trump running for president was a humorous distraction; a type of fictitious fodder for the Gawker’s and the HuffPo’s to sensationalize and capitalize off of. But then, as the numbers started picking up and the debates with him at the center — talking about his penis and his wall — week after week after godforsaken WEEK continued… it occurred to me that it might make sense for us to stop, close our eyes, and imagine a country led by Mr. DRUMPF.
So humor me for a moment. Let’s start out with an ice-breaker called “Guess the Trump Quote”:
“Ariana Huffington is unattractive, both inside and out. I fully understand why her former husband left her for a man — he made a good decision.”
“You know, it really doesn’t matter what the media write as long as you’ve got a young, and beautiful, piece of ass.”
“When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending the best. They’re not sending you, they’re sending people that have lots of problems and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bring crime. They’re rapists… And some, I assume, are good people.”
“Our great African-American President hasn’t exactly had a positive impact on the thugs who are so happily and openly destroying Baltimore.”
“If I were running ‘The View’, I’d fire Rosie O’Donnell. I mean, I’d look at her right in that fat, ugly face of hers, I’d say ‘Rosie, you’re fired.’”
“It’s freezing and snowing in New York — we need global warming!”
“Look at those hands, are they small hands? And, [Republican rival Marco Rubio] referred to my hands: ‘If they’re small, something else must be small.’ I guarantee you there’s no problem. I guarantee.”
If you guessed any or all of these quotes came from Mr. Drumpf himself, ding ding ding! You win. I don’t know what you win, exactly, except for the sinking feeling that the bearer of these quotes is actually a US Presidential Candidate, and not an off-the-rails Gary Busey, but I digress. (He also said that he will INSIST that Apple make all it’s devices in the US. Sorry, Drumpf, but you have a better chance of convincing them to rename themselves “Pear” than control where they make their technology.)
Now let’s envision, for a moment, our adorable, innocent children, sitting in social studies or history class, four years from now. It’s a Trump-pocalypse world. Races and classes are divided like they haven’t been in over sixty years. Progress has been stumped. The education system has crumbled. The health care system has crumbled. Our economy has tanked. Half the country’s citizens have attempted to flee to neighboring countries. Canada can’t take any more American refugees in; they’re full up. ISIS has not only NOT been destroyed, but because of America’s now-bullish foreign affairs tactics, has infiltrated like never before. The media has all but given up. Our beloved Sesame Street cast has been deported. As a defeated teacher attempts to educate our children about the history of our nation, gun shots ring out, somewhere outside the school windows. The children go into a lock-down drill, something they’ve done all too frequently lately, as race riots have become the new normal. (Come to think of it, rage has become the new normal.) As you look around this particular classroom, you see all white children, as the schools have also had to segregate classrooms out of necessity, as non-white children have increasingly become the victims of bullying and abuse. Because confused, impressionable children are simply “Following the leader.”
End scene. I don’t need to take it further, do I?
How does a teacher paint the political picture of our country in chronological order, no less, from Obama; our nation’s first African-American president — the man who took over Bush’s mess, took on the task of ensuring healthcare for all, who can connect with people in the most real ways, like rapping in the freaking Rose Garden with the star of Hamilton — and who’s wife took on childhood obesity and health; no easy feat — to today’s current discourse. A Hitler-esque hate-filled candidate with no edit button and a huge ego complex. Could you imagine?? For all intents and purposes, Trump is the most obnoxious, inappropriate, immature, competitive, bullish 7-year old ever. And this is the man who should have control over the red button??
As a parent, I have enough sleepless nights figuring out how to explain environmental catastrophes, homelessness, racism, inequality, and global warfare to my children when the time comes to talk about such issues. Shit, I can’t even fathom the schoolyard bully conversation, or the birds and the bees one. But my stomach goes into actual knots at the thought of having to explain why a Presidential candidate would build a literal wall to keep certain people out of our country, or would kill innocent women and children who happen to practice a certain religion and may be related to someone who has been compromised by an extremist sect of said religion. Think about having to explain to your ten year old impressionable daughter why the person who is supposed to be the most respected figure in the free world finds it acceptable to call women “fat and ugly,” to encourage violence and bullying and racism, and who deems it appropriate to turn the national presidential platform into a soapbox for hatred and stupidity. No thanks, we’ll stick to Dora, asshole.
Right now, we need to remind our nation and our children that America IS already great. We’re great because we’re the land of the free. We’re great because we fight for equal rights. We’re great because we can walk down the street, wearing whatever we choose, to go buy a cronut or a ramen burger or a book about anything we damn well please. We’re great because we provide opportunity and a dream to everyone. We’re great because we encourage our children to reach for the stars, no matter their color, gender, physical condition, or background. And how do we become even greater? By teaching love, tolerance, respect and equality to our children. That is how we become stronger. That is how we become more powerful. THAT is what progress is all about.
